Reinventing Yourself: Unleashing Your Potential in the "Third Third" of Your Life

Guest Writer: Jennifer Edwards

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step” — Lao Tzu

The philosopher Lao Tzu underscores the importance of taking steps and making choices one at a time during any personal or professional journey or pivot, particularly if it seems daunting. To me the meaning further highlights the difficulty of beginning and then beginning again. So the story I am about to tell, like all engrossing stories, is one of change and the unexpected.

From an early age, I learned that there is no certainty except that one’s strength and purpose are defined and developed by coping with that which hits you in your gut and in your heart. These tests of faith, fortitude, ingenuity, and endurance are character building in retrospect, though tough to comprehend and navigate while in the midst of their storm.

If a life can be divided into phases, then what are some of these? In a traditional Indian model, they are the Student, the Householder, and the Spiritual Contemplation phases. How many live in such a cultural paradigm or have the life trajectory to reach the third phase?   For me, the third has been a balanced blend of self-awareness, creativity, boundaries, smart choices, gratitude, contentment, and appreciation. I was told recently by a friend who is a family law attorney that I had “cracked the code” of life after divorce, grief, relocations, and career changes.

Back to the story … There is the beginning: Expect the unexpected and no matter how vigilant and how prepared, plan to shape-shift and rely on your instincts, your wits, and your gut. Intelligence, self-respect, and self-esteem will pay off while figuring out the details when, for example, the dream jobs, marriages, or partnerships unravel. Change is the one constant.

Even though a body at rest tends to stay at rest, do not linger within the inertia and always know where your exit rows are.

I followed the prescribed path: Years and years of education, householder with children, primary provider, full-time career. In my forties, I became exhausted and dismayed. I started searching for the pivot while feeling that life was limited in its remaining time. My father, who died suddenly at age 38, was always present in my memory.

As David Byrne said when asked about the meaning of the Talking Heads’ song “Once In A Lifetime”: “We operate half-awake or on autopilot and end up, whatever, with a house and family and job and everything else, and we haven’t really stopped to ask ourselves, ‘How did I get here?’” More to the point: Is this where I want to be “letting the days go by”?

My career in economics and consulting was challenging and exciting and fulfilled my desire to “do it all” and succeed, while juggling my career with homemaker and soccer mom roles. I was convinced I was skilled at all this, but inside I secretly acknowledged that some parts of it were not getting my best attention. This led me to a spiritual pathway that added even more perfection-driven responsibilities to the life I had built. I searched for a spiritual community and only found organized religion; for a short time became a Unitarian Universalist Sunday school teacher.

Until I felt I could pivot, trained and well prepared, I had “golden handcuffs.” This, and resistance from my spouse, kept me from taking action sooner. I gained experience and proved that I could be a corporate employee and a small business owner simultaneously.

With commitment and confidence, my handcuffs came off and I became a full-time yoga therapist and instructor with a class schedule and my own business. Happy to be learning again and using my marketing skills to sell myself, I was in “the zone.” At times, it was more of the same stress and self-imposed urge to excel and those closest to me didn’t understand my choices. My closest friend said, “You have this pattern of finding things and throwing yourself full on into them.” (She meant I do so without sufficient reflection.)

It was a gradual process, exploring the unknown and diving deep into the most satisfying ways to spend my final third phase of life. Acknowledging that the truly creative energy in my early years and attraction to art and dance was where I ultimately wanted to be, I moved in that direction. I now paint and have begun to exhibit and sell my work.  (And I also tango!)

When the phase or space you are in keeps you from doing what you are really passionate about, it is time to pause and evaluate how you can get to where you would rather be. If you always wanted to tango or sing or paint, then what are the steps – especially the first few steps – to take to get there.  Once there, what next?  Remember Lao Tzu.

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Consider:

• What are the common threads looking back and forward in a life?

• Are they teaching, learning, giving, planning with purpose and then executing?

• What will your life legacy be?

• What does your swan song look like and how will your story be summarized by you and by others?

Retirement, after all, is so often the beginning of a new life, or it can be. I view semi-retirement as a valuable time between choices about work, broadly defined: 

Spiritwork 

Homework

Artwork

Mindwork

Expanded Avocations

Return to Passionate Engagement 

Priorities change, preferences shift or develop, and risk aversion decreases as one travels and explores how rich, full, and potent life is. And what a gift it is.

Keep your attention on the exit rows but with greater self-trust that, if you have found them before, you will again. And if you haven't before, rely on your maturity and wisdom. Meanwhile, always have the time of your life!