Managing Depression During the Holidays
By Kim Brant-Lucich
The Mixed Emotions of Holidays
Holidays are typically considered a joyous time. Employers schedule annual events like luncheons or evening gatherings. Gifts may be exchanged and, for some, bonuses are offered. Meanwhile, people negotiate for time off to spend with their families and loved ones. Others choose to forego the Christmas trees, menorahs, and other holiday traditions in order to escape to ski resorts or sunny climates.
For some, though, holidays can be stressful. Family and personal relationships may be strained and the implied festivity of the holidays might cause stress, feeling the need to be on one’s best behavior, or pressure to purchase the perfect gifts. There may simply be stress about visiting those family or relatives with whom you don’t have the best relationships. I have always found airplane travel itself to be difficult and frustrating during the holidays. Airfares are double the usual cost, crowds seem out of control, and tempers are flaring for all the reasons described here. There is nothing fun in that. Driving could make things easier, but roads during winter can be treacherous and, let’s face it, gas prices are no picnic. If you have an electric car, good luck finding a free charging station (or charging stations on your route for a 300-400 mile trip).
Dealing with Death and Illness During the Holidays
For many, though, holidays are neither festive nor stressful, but a source of depression, especially if you have recently experienced loss or learned of a difficult health diagnosis. Perhaps a spouse, partner, parent, sibling or dear friend has recently passed away or is experiencing illness. If you are accustomed to spending holidays with them, it’s a struggle to get through the first holiday without them. This could bring with it a pervasive sense of loneliness that makes the entire holiday season absolutely unbearable. Even if friends invite you to enjoy the holidays with them, you may feel like the third wheel, an outsider looking in. The old cliche that “time heals everything,” may just further enrage you, as you cannot imagine when, if ever, you may feel better. In truth, grief does subside over time, but sadness and depression are normal feelings and you should give yourself permission to experience them. Rely on your friends and family to support you emotionally; it can be surprising to see just how much people genuinely show up when you are struggling. Talk it out and you may learn that you are not alone. However, if things feel insurmountable, seek help from a mental health professional or, perhaps, a religious leader - your minister, pastor, priest, rabbi, elder, imam, or the leader of whatever your faith happens to be.
Job Loss During Holiday Season
With all the mixed emotions associated with holidays, it makes sense that they would be especially challenging if you recently lost your job. Now, you’re thinking about whether it’s practical to travel or spend a lot of money on holiday gifts when you aren’t sure when, if ever, you may have a paycheck again. Your friends and family will tell you to cheer up, and that things will change in the new year. However, you may find it difficult to be cheerful at those holiday gatherings because all you can worry about is your changed situation and what is next.
The best advice I can come up with to cope with job loss is to look at the bright side - you get time off to enjoy the holidays without having to negotiate the days off or thinking about work you have to rush back to complete. You may be able to avoid the holiday crowds, by scheduling travel at more convenient times (because you don't have to get back to the "office"). While you might be concerned about spending time job hunting, forgive yourself for sleeping in, binge-watching your favorite streaming programs, or even pouring yourself a festive holiday drink or a cup of coffee, no matter the hour. For me, this would mean having coffee after 5:00 pm and not worrying about whether it will keep me up at night because, what the heck, I can sleep in. I don’t mean to say we should spend all our time after job loss just eating popcorn or ice cream, binge-watching TV, and sleeping until noon. However, give yourself permission to take a break, and enjoy holiday time as a respite from feeling sorry for yourself or worrying about your future. It’s a perfect excuse to take life one day at a time. This too shall pass.
It is often said that a great cure for depression is to take constructive action to address the source of the depression. If job loss is the source, then planning for the future and proactively setting goals can convert your feelings into hopefulness and optimism. A new year is usually considered a time for reflection, and there’s no better time to reflect on the future than after job loss. As you reflect, consider obtaining new skills, learning about different careers, or even exploring entrepreneurial opportunities or retiring. Most important, though, take time for yourself and take care of yourself.