Did You Know…. Older Men are Lonelier than Women
As our population ages, loneliness has become a pervasive, yet often unseen issue, particularly for older adults. While it affects individuals of all genders, research suggests a serious reality: older men tend to experience higher levels of loneliness than their female counterparts. So, why are older men seemingly more susceptible to loneliness?
As a man, I was raised with traditional notions of masculinity - restraining my emotions, and learning to be a self-starter and self-reliant. However, these traits often hinder men from expressing vulnerability and sharing feelings, making it very difficult to seek help or connect deeply with others.
In particular, retirement is a significant life transition that often leads to the loss of work-related social connections, a significant blow for men, who have heavily invested in these interactions. When I left my last job before retiring, I felt a great sense of fear, dread, and loneliness. I lost my purpose, my connection to other colleagues and my community. I had been vested in my work 100%. Old friends were lost or just faded away. It was common for me to try to fill the void with stuff like entertainment or food, when what I needed was a new purpose.
As men age, there are higher rates of widowhood among men, leaving us without the comfort of a life partner and support system. As we lose our physical strength, skills, and mobility due to aging, men are more limited in activities and socializing, which further exacerbates feelings of loneliness.
In contrast, where men often have smaller networks, women typically tend to have larger and more diverse social networks encompassing family, friends, and community groups. Without community or other support systems, they are more vulnerable to isolation and loneliness. This loneliness can lead to depression, desperation and all sorts of ailments.
Another factor that plays into loneliness for men is society’s expectations. Stereotypes of older men often portray them as solitary and independent, which may discourage them from seeking the social connections they need. The stigma surrounding seeking help for loneliness, particularly for men, further isolates them. Culture and the limited support services specifically designed for older men are severely lacking in our society today.
So how do we break these chains and norms? The good news is that loneliness does not have to be an inevitable consequence of aging. Individuals, cultures, families, and communities can play a major role in building connections and combating this issue. New habits can be formed, mindsets reprogrammed, and cultures informed. Among these strategies are the following:
Individual Strategies:
Self-reflection and Communication: Encourage openness to emotional expression and vulnerability. This can equip men to achieve deeper connections.
Join Social Groups and Activities: Engage in activities aligned with men’s interests and hobbies to build meaningful relationships.
Nurture Existing Connections: Understand the importance of prioritizing family and friends, staying in touch, and initiating activities together to strengthen existing bonds.
Community and Societal Interventions:
Target Support Services: Design inclusive and accessible programs that cater to the specific needs of older men struggling with loneliness. These can be formal programs or grassroots initiatives. Meet up groups are one example.
Challenge Masculinity Norms: Raise awareness about traditional masculine ideals, values, and their potential harm. This can encourage healthier expressions of emotions and vulnerability.
Promote Social Interaction: Launch and support initiatives and spaces that facilitate connection and community engagement for older adults, which will build a sense of belonging.
Loneliness among older men is a complex issue with significant consequences for individual well-being and broader societal health. Understanding the specific challenges older men face and addressing them through individual and collective efforts is crucial. It’s critical to foster open communication, build supportive communities, and demolish harmful stereotypes, so we can help bridge the gap in connection and ensure that all older adults, regardless of gender, can age with dignity and social connection.
Remember, we are born to connect to people. Older men need a bit more help to accomplish this. Help them and help yourself.