How to Tell Your Family and Friends You’ve Been Laid Off
In October, I was laid off from my job of ten years. I hesitated about whether to tell my 95-year-old mother, because I didn’t want her to worry (especially since I help her out financially). However, eventually I let her know. She was supportive and always eager to hear about my job prospects and interviews, and regularly asked how my peers were doing. Fortunately, she is alert, with full mental acuity, and usually beats me at Wordle. Unfortunately, she has age-related physical challenges. She no longer drives and it’s difficult for her to move around, cook, clean, and do laundry. Once she realized I wasn’t working, the requests for assistance became more and more frequent. “You wouldn’t happen to be going to the market any time soon, would you? Are you going to Costco in the next week...?” When not providing a direct ask, she offers up a less direct hint like “it’s too hard to wash my clothes, so I guess I’ll just have to go naked. I just can’t reach the paper towels on the top shelf; can I hire someone to put things where I can reach them?”
The creative ways an elderly parent asks for help can be entertaining, but the bottom line is that you will find yourself NOT actually “unemployed.” You have a new profession of full-time caregiver, personal shopper/concierge, cook, laundress and therapist. As I began collecting my mother’s laundry and bringing it home with me, then returning it the next day, I started wondering about the finances of it – the 20-mile round trip (twice), the water used by my home washer, the laundry detergent, and the gas and energy consumed on the dryer. Let’s not forget my time, which ordinarily has a pretty-high value but, while unemployed, has only a speculative value. All in all, doing a load of her laundry costs me as much as $20, not counting the 4- 6 hours of time it consumes, when you factor in the commute and time spent doing the laundry and folding it. Through all this, my husband (who still works) has assumed that I have enough extra time on my hands to cook and to thoroughly do all those dishes he used to help with.
This leads me to the conclusion that it might be better to avoid telling your family right away that you’ve been laid off. Don’t give them the chance to assume you suddenly have time on your hands to be at their beck and call 24/7. Losing your job should not mean gaining another job you didn’t apply for – caregiver, laundress, chauffeur, cook, housekeeper, gardener, therapist, etc.
Eventually, whenever you are ready, you do need to let your loved ones know; their support is crucial as this is not an easy life transition. However, you do need to set boundaries. Make it clear to those you love that, even though you don’t have to show up at a desk (at home or in an office) for a salaried job, you still need to spend time either looking for a new job or planning your next move, whatever that may be. You may need to tell a few friends, also, that your 8:00-5:00 hours are being spent on the job/life search. Learn to silence your cell phone to avoid distractions. You need time for self-care, and planning for your future, whether it's retirement, another job, or a new and different business venture or career. The most important person in your life is you. Take care of yourself.
Kim
